Saturday, February 6, 2010

Are you kidding me? I thought this was a joke

So I'm spending this snOMGasm catching up with my dear friends from Miami: Rose, Blanche, Sophia and of course Dorothy. And as I tend to do with marathons of television, I was seeing what the internet has to say about my girls.

I ran across this article that I honestly thought was on some gay humor website, but when I looked at the web address, I noticed it was from But even then, I just thought the addy was a joke. You know, it's nearly impossible to tell sarcasm over the internet. Then I checked out the mission statement on christwire:

But alas, the Left Wing Conspiracy and Liberal Agenda is spreading like a plague not only through our fine society, but through lesser cultures as well. Their sinful antics and attempt to pass off their wanton carnal desires into mainstream culture is destroying society and mankind.

So this article isn't a joke! The Golds Girls: How One TV Show Turned Generations of American Boys Into Homosexuals

Too lazy to read the several page article?... let me give you some highlights:

Many studies have been done on why the gays love The Golden Girls, but science can’t fathom the moral challenges and social upheaval of those historic times. The 1980s was an epoch of President Reagan’s manly wisdom and the terrifying threat of Cold War annihilation. America had sobered up from the flashy lights of 1970s disco. We were skipping all night cocaine and sex parties to focus on our careers. Spiritual leaders like Jerry Falwell were telling us that Christianity was in the majority again. On the other side, there was a subculture of homosexuality creeping up on our youths. It gave them an excuse to wear tight jeans and to sneak off to public parks for quick releases with hairy men of different ethnicities.

Let's look at "Many studies" first. The link should lead here instead. Where author Jim Colucci is selling his fabulous book about many behind the scenes stories from Golden Girls. Wow, one book equals so many studies (and the study is a basically glorified wiki, that just happens to have a gay spin). And the "gays love" link leads to list on a gay blog. Not a scientific study, just a list.

Cold War annihilation aside, the author of this article Stephenson Billings, seems to just shovel one stereotype after another down our throat! Cocaine? Sex Parties? Tight Jeans? Hairy Men?

And the "homosexuality" link? That leads to a gay blogger who covers LGBT news.

But let's get past the third paragraph. Later on Billings says:

Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility– the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”

A: I think "camp" was around for decades before the Golden Girls.
B: Where's the evidence that "when the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill"? I mean, just because I bond with one person over one TV show, doesn't mean that when the talk of the TV show is over I'll go have sex with the guy. 

Billings goes on to talk about how each of the three leads can be found in the gay society.

Of Dorothy he writes: Dorothy has given them [gay men] permission to be two-faced. Because only gay men can be two-faced.

According to Billings Blanche has set a time limit on gay relationships by: Most gay relationships last a week. It is no coincidence that this is the amount of time between Golden Girl episodes when they first aired on primetime. Blanche’s appearances on the show taught today’s 30-something homosexuals that you need a new strange man on your arm every seven days or else your viewers/friends will lose interest in your life’s plot.

Where's the link this time? I know many straight relationships that only last a week. Why not blame F-R-I-E-N-D-S for the same thing with straight relationships. How many girls did Joey bring home?

About Rose Billings says: Senility is not at all funny, but the careless creators of this awfulness used her stupidity for a relentless barrage of immature jokes. Once again, Rose’s most salient trait was picked up and celebrated by the gay community.

Here we go again, of all the senile people I know, they are Straight! They are Christian! They are closed minded bastards who look at one tiny aspect of a tiny fraction of a community.

By the end of the article Billings is just talking out his ass, spouting Right-wing reteric:

Will they [retired gay men] follow in the lusty steps of their forebears, the Golden Girls? When all these gays are in such close proximity to each other, will we see a huge upsurge in illicit homosexual elderly trysts? Will they vote out Florida’s married Christian Republican leaders, like Governor Charlie Crist? Will they embrace any and every cutting edge social issue that will be hip in 2020? Personally, I do not look forward to the day when we’re having moral debates about robot sex, gay jetpacks or houseplant marriage.

I don't even know how to respond to that! That's just random words put together to make some sense. It's as if Billings were writing in a foreign language and used a bad translator. The words make sense but seem out of place. GAY JETPACKS? HOUSEPLANT MARRIAGE!!!!!

The Golden Girls is a powerful comedy that was a hit in its time and has transcended the '80s. I can't believe that anyone could blame a television show for making someone gay, and on such weak arguments that we were/are trying to emulate these vague caricatures that can be found on every single television sit-com! I could say that playing/watching football made me gay. All those showers after practice, the tight bodies. And the ass slapping is what lends itself for the gay community to embrace BDSM!

Let's face it, Billings has his Christian agenda and wants to hit us in pop culutre. Most of his blogs are about television or the internet, and many have gay-bashing language and un-queer friendly dialogues.



Stephenson Billings said...


Who are you to tell me where my links should go? You are intensely pretentious and I find your writing ill-advised and grammar-challenged. Of course homosexuals love the Golden Girls-- just take a peek around the internet why don't you? I am frankly stunned you have chosen to challenge me on that issue. Your own post up here affirms my point! And please note, I am not a blogger. I am an Investigative Journalist. Furthermore, my article details the connection between gay same-sex behavior and this television show. You clearly have poor, almost criminal, reading skills. Did you not comprehend my writing? I am offended and honestly outraged by the disdain and fear you spew at a well-meaning and decent man such as myself. I am here to share the care. Please keep your same-sex frothing in check. It is not appropriate and only hurts, not heals. Do you not know the love of morality and righteousness? You have your whole life ahead of you! Why you have chosen to spend it facebooking guys on the internet and practicing an outrageous lifestyle choice is beyond me.

With my love,

Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist

FutureWorld84 said...

@Billings: Here's the thing that you do, in all of your responses (of the nearly 400 that I've read that is). Instead of refuting my claims with more backing, even opinion: you attack me. Calling me pretensions and ill-advised? Attacking my grammar skills (a simple grammar check showed most mistakes in your quotes). I know I use more conversational writing than say the NYTimes, but since I'm a blogger, expressing my ideas on the internet, a first person narrative is more appropriate. (Don't let my masters' degree from NYU stop you from insulting my writing style though).

Sure, I do promote a clearer link (because your's led to the front page of a website, as opposed to the more specific site that you were referring too. I took me nearly 10 minutes to figure out why you were pointing us to this site).

Of course I read your article, several times in fact. And you did point out that many gay men do emulate the girls. I'm not denying that at all. It's part of many a gay man's life. But have you read your article? It would be one thing if you were talking about how the Golden Girls have influenced the gay community, but your thesis states that the Girls turned men gay! That's just rhetoric. Nothing made me gay. It's just who I as born to be. My lifestyle has nothing to do with what I watch. I know many gay men who loath the Girls, watch/play sports, drink beer and other heteronormative activities.

My blog post is not full of hate (and definately not fear of you!). I take the "facts" of your post, and tell my opinion about it. I make no claims that I am investigating, I am writing an opinion article!

Hate is a strong word, and after reading your post, hate is all I can read. I don't understand how you can have so much disdain for me, when you don't know me. All you know is that I'm gay; and because of that, you hate me, and my "family." If you were to say many of the same things about Black people, you would be called a racist. Make the exact same post but slant it to the liberation of the older woman and how Golden Girls made women more sexually liberated and allowed our moms and grandmas to have open relationships after their husbands die you would be labeled sexist and ageist.

Of course we will not be able to see eye to eye on this. We are both fully invested in this debate over gay rights and the gay community. You seem to have taken gay men as a personal attack against something meaningful to you. Let me tell you that, as a gay man, you've attacked me and things that I hold personal. And it's hard not to voice an opinion about it (such as you have by responding to this post).

Instead of attacking you again, and calling you names (that I believe you so rightly deserve to be called), I'm going to end with some quotes:

Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
-- 1 John 3:18

"For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another."
~1 John 3:11~

And since I will be spending the rest of my as a gay man: "Hope will never be silent" - Harvey Milk

"A right delayed is a right denied" - MLK Jr

"And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of."
-William Shakespeare

Stephenson Billings said...

You spelled "definitely" incorrectly.

Anonymous said...

I love the internet- When people can't agree, and/or one person tops the other with logic, the other person can not possibly "stand down" or admit that they could be wrong. So, the internet troll inevitably turns into some kind of grammar/spelling police. So let's turn it into something more fun...

My question to you, Mr. Billings, in watching The Golden Girls to do your "research"-- did you "turn a little bit gay?" Is that how you came up with your cockamamie theory of GG turning boys into homosexuals? Did you suddenly wish you could be as fabulous as Blanche, as butch as Dorothy, or maybe as spunky as Sophia? (Which, for the record, identifying with a fictional character is not a slam dunk for the "Homosexuality is a choice" believers. The beauty of fiction is that there is a universalness in the experience of life. It is not that I (or anyone else) turn into a vampire, or scientist, or drag queen based off of what I watched or witnessed. If so, I suppose I currently am a space alien, since I've recently watched some Farscape episodes, or possibly Clifford the Big Red Dog)

Oh, and I could title myself the Queen of Sheba, but it wouldn't make it true- and the same goes for your "Investigative Journalist" BS.

~C, Queen of Sheba

janice said...

Nice one!
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Davenz said...

I was seeing what the internet has to say about my girls.

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